If you haven’t read Chemo: Part 1 yet, you can catch up here.

You could go somewhere else in your mind and pretend the cancer didn’t exist, but it was the white clumps of Winston hair littered all over our home that always brought me back to reality.

There was something that felt so unfair about the hair loss. “Cancer, you’re going to take him from me. Why can’t you just leave his hair alone?” I angrily thought. Winston had always been best known for his long, flowing locks, and now patches of hair were quickly falling out from chemo. The hair on his face was thinning rapidly. We could no longer walk him around the block or go to a public place without someone asking what was wrong with him. Chemo made him look like a dog with cancer. We could no longer hide it from even ourselves.

I want to stop at this moment and tell you that Winston losing his hair from chemo was extremely rare. Most dogs do not. Most dogs do not experience the same side effects that human chemo brings, such as nausea or hair loss. Winston just happened to be one of the unlucky, yet special ones that did. Our specialist kept reminding us the hair was purely an aesthetic and didn’t mean anything was additional wrong. They also said many people don’t want to treat their pets with chemo if hair loss was involved. I’d hate for you to learn of Winston’s hair falling out and if you are ever in this situation, refuse the treatment because of this fact. If it helps you at all, by the time it was all over, Winston’s hair had grown back in so lovely and thick. Even his tail, which has experienced hair loss from his Cushing’s Disease. It came back in the best we had seen it in years.

By Winston’s third round of treatment, he had lost a majority of his hair on his stomach and back. His facial hair was thinning significantly. I created a wish list of items that included a gray dog hoodie – picture Rocky Balboa’s workout suit. Someone gifted us it and Winston practically lived in the thing for the next few months. If this was you, thank you. We had the hardest time in the beginning finding clothes that fit him and always seemed to default to this hoodie.

The timing for hair loss wasn’t great as we were entering cold snaps in November. Our priority became to keep Winston warm. Our Instagram community invested in a whole line of clothing for him. I would carefully switch out outfits every couple days not to accidentally pull out his remaining fragile hairs so I could wash his current fit and put on a fresh clean one in its place.

Winston’s fourth chemo was the hardest on me. He had never minded going to the vet. He was always so relaxed and comfortable there as if he was going to see his friends. But this time when I opened the back hatch of my SUV, Winston didn’t want to get up or out of the car. By this point, Winston was almost completely hairless and it was a cold December day. He didn’t want to leave the heat.

I had started driving with Winston’s favorite toy – a stuffed animal mammoth – to the treatments and Winston kept his head resting on it. The tech offered to bring it inside with him. As soon as she picked it up, Winston followed her into the clinic. It was very sweet, but it was the moment that I decided if an additional health issue came up down the road, we wouldn’t proceed with additional treatments. He was tired. He didn’t want to keep doing this. We would finish the five planned rounds of chemo and be done. I remember recording myself saying this to a group of close friends. I’ve had to watch that back in the recent days when guilt and regret have overcome me, and remind myself that we didn’t want to put him through anything else. That it wouldn’t have been fair to him. That we made the right calls. That we looked out for him until the very end. That we did enough.

On Winston’s fifth and final treatment day, the vet staff brought him out a “Kicking Cancer’s Butt” bandana. It made me cry and we treasured that bandana all the way up until the end. He did kick its butt for a very long time. You did so good, Winnie.

We had successfully made it through all five of chemotherapy treatments. It was an odd feeling as I was so proud of him and us, but at the same time, I was forced to accept we weren’t actively fighting the cancer anymore. It was a helpless feeling. My anticipatory grief reveled in this moment. Winston was still on both I’m Yunity Turkey Tail (a holistic treatment with extremely interesting studies of keeping hemangiosarcoma at bay) and had started on Yunnan Baiyao (to stop any emergency internal bleeds), but there was a comfort in knowing each next chemo round could help kill any cancer. I no longer had that.

During chemo, Winston wouldn’t feel up to doing anything or really have an appetite for about the next five days after. I would work from home as much as I could during these days to monitor him in case he got sick, but the nausea only occurred after the first round. I so desperately wanted to keep him living large, adventuring, and soaking up the memories.

My husband and I often talk about this time and if we made the right call doing it. We think back to this trade off on these recovery days after, the frequent vet trips, and the costs. It was really tough, but I would do it again for him if we had the choice. I credit it with slowing the cancer growth. I credit it with giving us more time. Time became the currency. I wouldn’t trade that for the world.

If you’re facing this decision with your own dog, I encourage you to talk to your vet team. It’s not for everyone, but it made sense for us. Feel free to reach out for any advice or support. I’ve compiled some quick tips below. Hang tough, friends. Sending you all love.

Tips for Dogs Going through Chemo:

1. Give anti-nausea meds before they get sick and stop eating
2. Prepare a comfortable space for lots of rest
3. Separate the part of the yard from other dogs and cats and pick up feces
4. Pay attention to their feces and treat with diarrhea medications, if necessary
5. Keep them hydrated
6. Hair loss is rare but can happen. Get a cozy sweater.
7. Any vomit or poop inside the house should be cleaned with disposable gloves. Wash your hands thoroughly afterward.